HELP ME SOPHIE V: Check your party periphary

HELP ME SOPHIE V: Check your party periphary

Sophie V

Columnist

If you're a social butterfly or perhaps in a fraternity or sorority, chances are you're going to be hitting up a lot of parties throughout the semester. 

Whether it's a laid back get together or an outright wild night, always take a moment to scan the party people perimeter. 


Although it's best not to judge a book by its cover, the dude with sunglasses on at night, a beer in both hands and a shirt that is 3 sizes too tight, can be identified as the wanna be rock star. He is so full of himself and with each successive beer it only gets worse. No need to fret though, he’s most likely a complete brick. This guy is all about appearance. I promise you that your dog has had smarter farts. However, if you’re dumb enough to fall for him you’re probably a ‘brick-ette’ and you guys are made for each other.  

Next up, every party has that one girl that is obnoxiously loud, plastered and a stumbling hot mess. She is most commonly referred to as being white girl wasted. Her clumsy attempts to seduce you with slurred words and crossed eyes may seem tempting but be warned; she may vomit and pass out mid-frolicking. Not to mention her bad rep that will haunt you for the remainder of your college party career.

Be wary of the Shot-Train Conductor for his or her party duties involve pouring over sized shots for everyone. The Conductor is what I consider a party sadist. He loves getting others extremely wasted, extremely fast and finds it to be extremely funny. His pouring arm never tires so be careful around him. ‘Cause he won’t stop until you drop!

Last but certainly not least is the emotionally unstable partier. At the beginning of the night this person may seem normal but after a dumping a few down the hatch, watch this person transform from normal to a blubbering fool. Unfortunately alcohol not only brings out the ‘itis’ but it emboldens it. Anything from a text from an ex, a broken nail, a break up from 3 years ago, all paired with alcohol, can trigger the emotional eruption.

Despite being ‘graced’ with the presence of the aforementioned party goers, one can always meet some great people who are usually a bit more reasonable. So just remember, it’s always a good idea to scan the party people perimeter whenever you go out. Who knows, you just might save yourself a lot of trouble by doing so.

Remember questions can be emailed to helpmesophiev@gmail.com