Love, Sex and a little T-Rex: Real talk with Lady Calypso

An accurate picture of Lola Lavande

Lola Lavande

Sex Columnist

A loss of virginity is often the life event that signifies our status as a “sexually active” person, so I figure it’s a good place to start for my sex column premier. I lost my virginity at 17 to a boy I met over the summer and left with a black eye that was entirely my fault (I tripped on the stairs and fell on my face).


I thought I was late in the game for my first time, and was surprised when so many of my friends in college admitted they were, in fact, virgins. And I respected that since losing my virginity hurt – a lot – and was pretty awkward, although 100 percent consensual. Many of these friends defended the preservation of their V card: my male friends shrugged like it was somehow their mothers’ fault for buying them cargo shorts or that girls weren’t into them yet or that they wanted to wait for a personal connection of sorts. And there were lots of reasons my female friends didn’t want to have sex just yet: Some said they were waiting for love, some for marriage, some until they could afford a Brazillian bikini wax (if you don’t know how it feels, you probably don’t want to) and some said it was because of the stories they heard describing the pain of the experience.

To be perfectly honest I lost my virginity to do just that – lose it. I wasn’t experienced in actual intercourse and wanted to get the painful part over with so I could be ready to go when I did meet someone I wanted to enjoy sex with. I also didn’t believe in love at the time (which is a whole other column, stay tuned T-Rex fans!) and so it didn’t seem too strange a thing to do.

I’ve heard every reaction to my reasoning: you should’ve waited, what a great idea, you dirty slut, wow what does a dick look like? etc. In fact, though, there isn’t anything wrong with losing your virginity to someone you aren’t in love with as long as you’re on the same page as your partner. Keep the lines of communication OPEN!

I told my first openly that I was a virgin and that I didn’t want any strings attached and asked him if he wanted to have sex, please. He said absolutely, yes. He was respectful and sweet and probably as gentle as he could’ve been. He asked quite a few times if he was hurting me (yes, but it was inevitable) and if I wanted to stop (nope, continue – this is fun everywhere except my vagina). For those who do want to engage in premarital sex I give this advice: make sure you’re comfortable and make sure you consent and do not be afraid to talk.

Movies and TV shows make sex look romantic or steamy or what have you, but rarely do you see or hear them talking to each other. Sex, at first, is awkward. Unless you put music on, it’s not going to strum up automatically and no one is going to dim the lights for you. It’s up to you to set the mood, or to make it however you want. Talk to each other and tell them what you like or what was “um, interesting,” but not your favorite. I distinctly remember encounters when I said “your elbow is hurting me, why is your elbow even there?” and “don’t give me hickies I have work tomorrow” and “your beard is too scratchy, it hurts my face.” You may be surprised by how your partner responds. Silence can be intimidating and breaking silence can seem difficult, but it can also open a dialogue that could make sex more fun for both of you. Or all three or more of you, whoever is involved.

And for those abstinent few, if you’re waiting for love or marriage then go for it, but also know that you don’t have to live like monks. You can do lots of very fun things that don’t present a risk of pregnancy.

Whether you’re waiting for something like love or a commitment or not, be respectful to the alternative choice. Stay off the soapbox and mind your own damn business, because everyone has a right to choose what they do (or don’t do) with their body.

Lola Lavande is a real, live Tyrannosaurus Rex, a member of riverfolk displaced from ancient Atlantis, and a student at McNeese State University. Yes, Lola is her real name. No, she’s not going to send you any pictures via Snapchat. Email her at msucontraband@gmail.com